Response to upset mom whose ex-husband wouldn’t give her money to subsidize daughter’s living expenses after daughter quit job.
I’m horrified at your insensitivity towards your ex-husband. Your 33-year-old daughter is not a “kid” as you continually referred to her during our phone conversation. Your daughter continues to struggle because you don’t allow her to do anything on her own. You bail her out, pay her debts, stand up for her regardless of the facts and are always there to clean up her mess (which is often). She doesn’t have to take responsibility for anything in her life because she can simply defer to you and you always come through. You have robbed her of the beauty, pleasure and the sense of accomplishment that comes with earning something on her own.
Trust your daughter to fly under the strength of her own wings. Believe you have adequately equipped her with the necessary tools and wisdom to create her own life and her own success. Remember: the success is in the journey; it’s how we deal with the day-to-day ups and downs that produce our character and enable us to creatively thrive.
You called your husband “selfish” for not giving you the money you requested. You were angry because he told you that his daughter needed to learn to budget, bootstrap and work to get what she wants in life. Trust him too.
The following is from The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
for they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit,
not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
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