Over the past several months I’ve spoken with many young adults (as part of my Journey to Empowerment workshops) who express feeling overwhelmed, lost, confused and frustrated.

It seems that the common theme among them is that they are really overwrought with self-doubt.

Most of them are doing well, except for this fact: they are allowing outside forces to control how they live their lives.  It’s causing them to doubt who they are and what they stand for.  

Consider these examples:

1. A 27-year-old woman is concerned because many of her friends are marrying and starting families. She is dating for the purpose of doing the same but admits that she likes her life the way it is, and feels she isn’t ready for marriage. When she finally accepts and acknowledges that it’s okay to live life on her own terms, and that it’s okay to want a different life from her peers, that’s when she finally begins to feel relieved.

2. A 22-year-old male recently moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in dance has just booked a show. He’s ecstatic about the job, but is torn when he discovers the show’s content is morally inappropriate and hence, contrary to his values. He doesn’t want to use his formal dance training to convey messages he finds offensive and demeaning, but doesn’t want to express his opinion, either, for fear of what his friends will think of him.

3. An 18-year-old girl doesn’t know if she justified in breaking up with her boyfriend of two years because of his excessive drinking and bouts of violence. She understands intellectually that she can’t help him but is worried that breaking up will “destroy him.” Deep down, she believes she can change him.

Each of these young adults have made choices that have caused them to question their beliefs and have grown frustrated from acting in ways that were contrary to their fundamental nature.

They were saying one thing, yet doing another; following the crowd when opinions differed; and pretending to be someone else for the sake of gaining acceptance.  All of these actions eventually led to internal conflict and self-doubt.

Acting in accordance with who you are and what you believe is what it means to “be true to yourself.” My own journey to self-discovery was challenging during those times when I forgot how, or wasn’t willing, to be true to myself. An honest life is one in which our uniqueness and individuality shine through – it’s when our behaviors match our values.

Respecting yourself inspires others to respect you. It’s easy to respect someone who is strong and capable of standing up for what they believe in.

Take some time to discover your true self. Examine your values and how they match up with your actions.  Take inventory of yourself.  What you’ll discover will be magnificent – what you’ll discover will be the real you.

“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.” – Raymond Hull