Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead

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During my first two years of college I ate a lot. I gained 30 pounds and wore a size 14.

I remember the miserable feeling I had, especially at the end of the day, when my extra-tight jeans left indentations on my thighs and waist. It was horrible.

I started jogging and vowed never to let my weight get out of control again.

Today food is still a big part of my life.

I usually: 

  • Have crackers, nuts, chips, pretzels, Twizzlers, caramel popcorn… in my pockets, glove box and car trunk. eat
  • Leave my house on a full stomach – even when I’m going to dinner or to places where I know food will be served. Thanksgiving is no exception. eat
  • Travel with a variety of dark chocolate candies. eat
  • Pack my suitcase with healthy snacks like cantaloupes, grapefruits, bananas (inside tap shoes so they don’t get mashed), oranges, dates, apples, pears and granola.

Are you wondering if I’ve experienced some childhood food trauma? I thought that at first, but I don’t think so. I just don’t like to be hungry and don’t like having to eat what’s available. I prefer to be proactive. eat

Today is the last day of a 15-day detox/cleanse. I watched the documentary, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and decided to give it a try. Yes, I said, ‘try.’ eat

I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go 15 days without my favorite “C” foods: cookies, cakes, candy and chocolate. eat

Prior to this cleanse I was in a constant state of either craving food or eating it. eat

I’m not overweight because I:

  • Prefer to workout rather than deny myself junk food. eat
  • Practice Bikram yoga where the room temperature is 105F degrees with 40% humidity. eat
  • Won’t buy new, larger jeans when my old ones get too tight. I wear my tight jeans and suffer. This uncomfortable feeling reminds me to either cut back on food or exercise more. eat

The first few days of the cleanse I felt a lot of anxiety. It was all around the possibility of ‘being hungry’ even though I wasn’t hungry. I spent my time worrying about ‘what if’ I get hungry. I continually wanted more even though I was satisfied. eat

These past two weeks have helped me realize just how much of my life revolves around food. I’ve never spoken with anyone about this. Am I alone? Does anyone else spend a lot of time thinking about food and snacks? Just wondering… eat

I’m hyper, don’t have TV, and enjoy making all my own blog graphics.

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Gracias mi amigos.
Yours in love and dance, Laurie

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