Leo Tolstoy wrote, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Doesn’t this same concept apply to couples?
Happy couples are rich in discovery, excitement, passion, curiosity, gazing and, of course, touching.
Unhappy couples are miserable and it’s usually due to one of the following 6 reasons:
1. Fault-Finding When one or both people start to focus on the flaws, rather than the merits of the other, the relationship is doomed. What was once cute, quirky and tolerable now gets on your last nerve. For many of us, it’s easier to focus on problems instead of the solutions.
It’s easier to criticize rather than compliment or to destroy rather than create. In relationships, fault-finding is the beginning of the end.
2. Ho, hum. I’m bored Where did the excitement go? You miss all those ‘luvie duvie’ feelings you had during the honeymoon phase. The newness has worn off and now it’s work to keep things exciting.
3. I love you, MORE When one person loves, follows or needs the other more, tension results. This imbalance leaves one party giving away all their power while the other person may end up resenting or losing respect. Once respect is lost, there’s not much to hold on to.
4. I don’t even LIKE you Some relationships get hot and heavy so quickly we forget to stop and ask ourselves:
- “Do I really like this person or am I simply flattered by the attention?”
- “Is the intense sex clouding my ability to see red flags?”
- “Do our values and ethics match up? “Does my partner have any?”
- “Is he or she stable, normal, well-adjusted, kind-hearted and balanced?”
- “Are they estranged from family members?”
It’s important to pay attention to these things in the beginning.
5. What we have here, is a failure to communicate Relationships fizzle when one person starts hiding their hurt feelings for the sake of protecting the other person. Relationships also reach a breaking point when one party fails to mention a recent lunch date or phone call with an ex. Of course, it inevitably comes out and then the situation worsens. Now there are:
6. Trust Issues Once communication is compromised, trust is next on the list. It’s exhausting to continually wonder, “What else are they keeping from me?”
By the time we’ve accepted that certain behaviors are indeed red flags it may be too late. Frustration has set in and we’re over it. Sometimes, we may not have the courage to deal with problems when they occur. Instead, we hang on hoping things will get better.
Here are some ways to actually make things better:
- Play up the strengths of your partner. Avoid criticizing and complaining about their weaknesses. Appreciate their strengths and acknowledge their attributes. Accept both their strengths and their weaknesses.
- Compliment and encourage him or her.
- Learn how to be loving.
- Listen and talk to each other – often.
- Respect your mate. Every type of relationship is enhanced and deepened by the presence of respect. If you don’t have respect for one another, it’s over.
- Have a great life of your own that is filled with appropriate relationships with a variety of people. No one person can satisfy all of your needs, wants and be your everything.
- Spend time together doing special things to create positive memories.
- Don’t add to the problem by ignoring issues. Looking the other way solves nothing. We tend to overlook what we don’t want to deal with. Think about which part of your body is up in the air when you bury your head in the sand.
- Have realistic expectations.
Your relationship doesn’t have to fall victim to any the reasons I’ve mentioned above. Love needs attention. You play a major role in making your relationship great and it is possible to build a happy life with someone you love. So do your part in keeping your relationship healthy. You deserve goodness in your life.